Our marriage consisted of screaming matches, silent treatment and curse words.
“I was dead inside. I could not really laugh. I surely could not cry. I was 55 pounds overweight. I could not feel my life.”
I went to see a couple’s therapist and had a major emotional meltdown. My whole body shook with deep tearful sobs as the pain I had buried so long beneath a mask ruptured like an earthquake from my core. I couldn’t go back to my old life, but I had no idea where else to go. I felt utterly lost. I had no idea who I was.
I missed the last change to say goodbye to my mother. She took her own life by suicide. I was only a playful little 7 year old girl who dreamed about fairies, unicorns and prince charming when suddenly life became unfair.
Every mother loves her child, isn’t that just the law of nature?
Did she not think I was worth living for? I felt abandoned, rejected and not enough. I did not have any bit of compassion; I was full of anger for lack of any better emotion.
This was when it all began to dawn on me, I had no idea how to really love a man … or how to be happy or even be grateful for all that God/universe, Life, and Love had given me.
Over the next few years, I would desperately seek to connect with my life. I did that by challenging myself to various tasks. Every challenge I completed boosted my confidence and made me feel amazing.
8,000 feet altitude 30km solo hike with my 4.5 & 2.5 year old boys. I was determined to climb the toughest mountain in the Western Ghats to challenge myself that I could withstand the divorce and live the rest of my life as a single mother.